Tag: mental health

The Importance of Feeling Safe

piotr-chrobot-278530 (1)
As humans, our physiology is highly responsive to potential threats to our safety. It’s a survival mechanism that’s allowed us to evolve as a species. This responsive system means that when we detect a threat in our environment many changes occur in our body that prime us to respond quickly so that we can avoid danger and death. These changes indicate an activation of our sympathetic nervous system and they include racing heart, sweating and changes in our breathing.  This system is all encompassing because survival takes precedence over anything else. When we are in survival mode we are unable to put our energy into growth, connection and restoration.  We are completely overtaken by the search for safety. Humans need to feel safe in order to thrive.  This may seem like a very basic concept but it’s often overlooked in our relationships, our primary institutions, and even when examining our own motivations.  At times we may work in an environment where we don’t feel safe or we may be friends with people with whom we don’t feel at ease, or even have contact with family where our safety has been compromised. We may have to access personnel (such as doctors, police officers, teachers) that put us in a heightened state of arousal because they are trained to be evaluative and reprimanding at times.  This doesn’t leave us in an optimal position to thrive. We may need to work on restoring a sense of safety in our body.

A person’s behaviour is highly dependant on the state of their nervous system.  If they are constantly dis-regulated and feeling unsafe they may also feel anxious, depressed, aggressive, frightened and unable to attune and attach.  When we look at it through this lens we realize that creating safety in all our relationships and in our bodies, becomes of paramount importance to our wellbeing, our relationships and our health.

Our bodies are very wise and they are constantly providing us with important information.  We can be quick to ignore it or brush it off.  As children, we had very little control over the safety of our environment and those in it.  We may have learned that shutting down and pushing through was the only way to survive.  It is actually remarkable that we are capable of doing what is necessary to survive. Yet many of these adaptations are no longer adaptive when we are adults. Thankfully it is possible to create shifts so that we can reclaim safety in our bodies and our lives.

No matter what you are struggling with, remember that your body is a wise resource and you can trust what it is telling you.

_

Written By: Andrea Papin
Registered Professional Counsellor

The Art of Boundary Setting

roberto-nickson-367522
Setting boundaries, in order to better care for ourselves, isn’t always easy. We live in a culture that expects us to do it all and have it all. Listening to your body and slowing down aren’t associated with success and acclaim. Especially as women, we are expected to give to the point of depletion and then give some more. Our identities tend to be tied to our credentials, creations and ability to multi task and manage.
Finding a balance between giving to others, doing what needs to be done and making sure our own tank is full is a delicate art and most of us haven’t had this gentle equilibrium modelled for us. Perhaps we grew up in a home where taking care of others was a way to feel needed and important, or a home where we had to take care of everyone and take on a parental role far before it was developmentally appropriate. There are many family of origin scenarios that can make boundary setting particularly challenging. So how do we break out of this rut and start tending to ourselves?
I like to think of a boundary as an energetic or physical field that can protect our vitality and emotional equilibrium. Some common signs that we need to strengthen our boundaries are fatigue and anger. When we tune into these states within ourselves, we often find that we have a felt sense of being overwhelmed, depleted or violated. We may intuitively know that what is required of us is boundary setting but this can feel challenging, especially when we have beliefs around other peoples’ needs being more important than our own, or fears around not being loved if we say no.
Knowing what our boundaries are and honouring them isn’t always easy and can be a lifelong process that requires flexibility and a simple place to start is to just notice when we feel run down, agitated or angry and allow ourselves to notice the quality of those feelings in our body. Do we feel constricted in our chests? Tingly in our limbs? Just know that whatever those sensations are, we don’t need to change them. They are important messengers that are giving us information about what we may need. When we really listen we may notice that underneath the anger or fatigue there is grief, longing or fear that is driving us and making it hard to set a much needed boundary. Think of this as a gentle process of noticing. There is no pressure to change or do anything. We can simply start by allowing ourselves to notice what we feel. Asking ourselves what we may need, even if we don’t feel quite ready to provide it. Start where you are. I trust that the rest will come.
Written by Andrea Papin
Registered Professional Counsellor

Becoming a Mother

dakota-corbin-243775
Becoming a mother is one of the most soul shaking transitions there is. No matter how prepared you are, there really isn’t anything that can truly prepare you for the change. It’s a huge shift in your identity, your relationship with others in your life and the amount of time you have to care for yourself. Many changes are also rapidly occurring in your body. It can take a lot of support to feel grounded and nourished during the post partum period.
The postpartum period lasts much longer than our society suggests and can bring with it anxieties, uncertainties and a longing for the simplicity of life before baby. Whatever feelings or thoughts arise for you, know that you are not alone. It is normal to feel afraid, frustrated and doubtful at times. For some people these feelings can become overwhelming, In either case, seeking out support from professionals trained in post partum care can be invaluable. We are not meant to parent in isolation.
Sometimes parenthood can trigger trauma or wounding from our own childhood. This can happen on both an implicit or explicit level. Perhaps we realize that our sadness or anger is related to what we ourselves never received as an infant, or perhaps we feel an overwhelming sense of grief and we aren’t quite sure why. Counselling is an opportunity to heal from past trauma, receive support in the present and cultivate hope for the future.

Written by Andrea Papin
Registered Professional Counsellor

Creating a Self-Care Practice


Self-care is about giving back to yourself, allowing space to be kind and nurturing in a positive way.
It took a while for me to understand how to connect with my true self. It takes awareness and honesty to check in and be gentle when you need it most. Our lives become so complex with pressures, anxieties, expectations and insecurities that it can lead to breaking points, where our triggers rule our reactions and we don’t feel connected or see the bigger picture anymore. Now I know that self-care is essential to keeping me balanced, especially when things get heavy.

Depending on the depth of what your triggers are and how you process, finding a plan for self-care can be as simple as taking a few minutes to decompress, or creating a longer strategy. This may include reaching out at some point for professional help to get a better grasp on the bigger issues and negative cycles. Whatever you are dealing with,  remember that we all struggle with hard times, triggers and complex issues at different points of our lives, and showing compassion to ourselves is how is how we can heal, better understand, process and move forward.

Self-care can be as simple as having a tiny ritual that sends your brain the signal that it’s time to decompress. A tool that works well for me is using different scents to help bring my energy back to neutral, give me a lift, and shift the vibe of the space i’m in. The simple act of lighting a candle, spraying an essential oil blend around the room or using a defuser, can be enough to get the process started. Smudging, which uses the smoke from sage or palo santo wood is a popular and ancient healing and energy cleansing tool. It is more intense due to the smoke and distinct smell, so experiment and play with what you like best. Try thinking about what small ritual could create this intention for you, and start making it a practice. It’s a great first step!

It’s unfortunate that our culture has created impossible standards and pressures that can send anyone into a cycle of low self esteem. Each of us has our own stories about how we came to our belief systems and unfortunately, it can create a shaky self image that is constantly being challenged. By doing something healthy for your body with intention you build your self-worth, and self-worth is a HUGE gift that has many rewards. Some ideas to get you started for body self care can be things like: gentle stretches, cooking a healthy meal, yoga, meditation, exercise that you enjoy, going for massage, acupuncture, a spa treatment, doing affirmations, solo dance parties, taking a bath, going for a walk in nature, riding a bike, sitting in a sauna…something with intention towards giving back to your body, that is for just for – you.

A more challenging self-care practice is to give your system a break from something you feel is becoming a crutch. Obviously, the weight of what that crutch is and provides varies from person to person, but if it’s something you feel is adding to stress or your triggers, think about taking a mini break from it and see how it effects you. From my own experience, being extreme in this practice may create more anxieties then helpfulness, so start small and be mindful of what’s realistic in your situation. Create a break in the cycle and see how this makes you feel, good or bad. It may help you step back from the crutch or even eliminate it altogether, and if nothing else will allow you to feel the underlying reason for it’s purpose.  This practice of self-care can be intense so be prepared to reach out for support and move forward in baby steps if you need to.

Your practice may help someone else start there own process. Keep the topic of self-care out in the open by having discussions about it, you may pass on ideas and inspiration to someone else at the perfect time.  Check in with your friends, family and colleagues, share your practices and how they make you feel when you do them.

What practices and rituals do you utilize in your self-care practices? Share your tools, experiences and stories in the comments section below as to how self-care has been a positive practice in your life.
Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward, thanks for reading!

Carrie